Meal Time

A meal I can remember is this past years thanksgiving.  It was at my grandmas house and all my family was there.  I remember walking on the porch which was covered lightly with snow.  Opening the door and getting smacked in the face with different aromas of food.  We went inside and said our hellos and prepared to eat.  But before the meal its always the thanksgiving football on my grandpas big screen t.v.  After the game was said in done we all sat down to eat.  We all had appetizers on the table which consisted of a bowl of shrimp arranged in a circle around some cocktail sauce.  After that the real food was beginning to be passed around.  My first pass was at the golden brown sweet with brown sugar and marshmallows.  Next i got my favorite food of the night which was homemade mashed potatoes and gravy.  next i squeezed some stuffing next to all of that.  then finished it all off with some dark meat of the turkey.

An Attempt at Rewriting

Academic:
 Being in downtown Brooklyn you see some awful things.  Whether it be robbery down the street or even murder.  Being a parent, those are the very last things you want your child to see.
  Or being an adult and still seeing the pointless flashbacks of yourself sitting in a living room with no furniture as as a kid.
   Or what about a four year old boy walking around the city by himself.  Obviously not supposed to be there, but  nobody comes over and asks where his mother is at.

Personal:
   When people in the minority would look at immigrants it was almost like they were more American than them.  The immigrants wanted to be American,  but all the minority wanted to do was keep their culture.

Reaction:  i felt that this exercise was rough.  I found it difficult to rewrite someone's work and still say what they said originally.

Writing

Voice 1:  This is writing.  A big beautiful yard in which you can do so many things.
Voice 2:  This is writing.  Man this is going to take a long time to mow.